Posted by Robyn Coburn
To http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysUnschooled/
<<<<<Today when she demanded a drink
from me, I said can you say that using your smiley voice and she said 'mommy
can I have a drink' in a very calm nice voice.
I told her that made me very happy and gave her a drink.
>>>>
On the other hand....
Just two days ago Jayn
asked me for something in a "demanding" manner and, being in a tired,
grumpy and distracted place *myself*, my response was that her tone of voice
made me feel unwilling to comply - even as I was fetching the drink of milk, of
course.
She immediately changed her voice - to a sweet and
syrupy sing song and repeated the request. What popped out of my mouth was
"I don't want you to be fake either!"
Hearing myself made me realize the truth of that
statement. I'm pretty convinced that in the first instance she was mirroring my
non-Mindful tone, perhaps not from that moment, but from how she has heard me
at other times when I am feeling tired, grumpy, impatient, resentful from being
ignored or some other cause, or ...any combination of a number of elements that
come out in my voice and, if I was listening to myself, would give me a clue
that I needed to stop, examine and reset my thinking and feelings. Dh is great at pointing out that my tone sounds more angry
or whatever than I hear in myself.
So what is better? That Jayn
feel she has to be "nice" *with me* regardless of where she is
mentally or emotionally, or that I use her tone or manner as a clue that she is
having some authentic feelings that she may not be articulating, or even
realizing?
I'm going to try a new "script" of not
taking her seemed "rudeness" personally, but to try (after fulfilling
the request cheerfully) to mention that she sounded grumpy or angry or tired or
whatever seems right, and ask her if she is feeling that way.
Unfortunately, for any reporting of the results of
this resolve, she has been so pleasant, in a genuine way, for the last couple
of days. Within the last few minutes she said, "Mommy will you please do
me a favor and pass me that blanket?"
Darn it! ;)