Posted by Sarah Anderson-Thimmes
To http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
Back in the day, these are the things I would have told
my brand new unschooling self:
Kids want to learn. They just do. Get the hell
out of the way, and leave an interesting trail behind you.
If a child is happily playing a computer game or watching TV
for the *entire* time that that child would have been in school, that child is
infinitely better off than if she was unhappily at school.
The main goal is raising happy kids. Everything else is
a bonus.
Worry and guilt are pretty much wasted emotions. Act from
right now.
Get on eBay or go to thrift stores
and garage sales and try to find and buy all the toys and books you loved as a
kid and the ones you always wanted and never got. Then if you run into
things you never saw but would've loved as a kid, buy those too. Sometimes I
think about all the money I've saved on vaccinations, daycare, preschool,
private school, formula and disposable diapers--I consider that "fun life"
money.
After a time, if you know your child is never going to play
with the above, and you no longer need it, bless another family or local thrift
store with it.
Don't ever talk about money wasted.
Invite your most interesting, off-the-wall friends for dinner
or overnights...often.
Give your kids an allowance. My grandma always said everyone
needs a little pocket money.
Create an environment that would be the ultimate summer
vacation set-up.
If you can afford it, and you worry about having a clean
house, hire a helper. For me, that means giving up one big meal out a
month. (I don't do it, but I think it is a comforting thought.)
If you have no money, love and trust are better than school.
Think of all the things you learned without school. Write them down. Or don't. You
never did like being told what to do :).
Print out quotes that ring true about parenting, freedom, and unschooling and post them on the fridge.
Even though it's a cliché: Fake it till you make it.
Be honest with your kids. Really.
When you have a bad moment, admit it. Move on.
When a relative treats your child unfairly or unkindly,
protect your child. Once in awhile, say things (nicely) you
would've liked to have said in retaliation when you were a kid. Just
imagining it sometimes works too.
Remember that you get to heal yourself when you treat a
child the way you would've liked the adults in your life to treat you.
Really note the *child's* interests. If you are into books and your child isn't, no big.
Your child will have lots of other interests. Likewise, if you're into
sports and your child isn't, your little 'un will have a lot to show *you*.
If your child asks you not to do something, don't do it.
Remember foodstuffs (flour, eggs, etc.) are inexpensive toys
and full of experiment power....don't get hung up on wasting. (This is
also good to remember when you're in the middle of a great phone conversation.
Eva has, many times, happily cracked a dozen eggs while I finished up a great
phone call.)
Sometimes we all need a little sweet to help us feel sweet
(I was thinking about food, but I guess this is about way more than food).
I'd rather have dentures than horrible memories of a parent
forcing me to brush my teeth.
If you have no unschooling friends in real life, and you
need a sense of community and connection, it is more than okay to be
online. Try to get a high speed connection.
If you love schedules, it is okay to plan things, tentatively.
"If nothing better comes along," You might say, "I'll be making
cookies on Monday, cleaning the fishbowls on Wednesday, going to the library on
Thursday, yard sale-ing on Saturday. If anyone
wants to come or has better suggestions, let me know!"
If it appeals to you, subscribe to the newspaper and don't
read anything that doesn't sit well with you. It is full of local happenings,
weird occurrences, kids pages, comics, free animals, coupons, the TV and movie
guide, and gossip about your kids' favorite stars:).
(Add stuff from the newspaper to your tentative schedule.)
Learn something you always wanted to learn. Actively engaging
in life is great for creating happy energy. Happy energy is the most
wonderful thing in the world to be around. I want my kids to want to be
around me.
Parent kindly and mindfully parent.
And my husband added:
Take advantage of every opportunity to answer questions your
children ask. Don't try to teach them lessons ...cause then they get
bored, just answer their questions.
Never tell them you will take them to the hot tub if you
don't know for sure you can.