Posted by Kelly Lovejoy
To http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
I received a question
off-list from a list member about spelling. Below is the response I sent her
last night. But I woke up this morning thinking about her question again and
had more to add. I figured I'd post it here rather than just back to her.
*** By the way, I couldn't take it and told my kids to do spelling
workbooks. My oldest balked. I'm not sure what to do. It
doesn't
make sense to me that they will learn to be good spellers by reading
alone. What if they don't like to read? ***
My response:
Some people are naturally good spellers. Some are not---no matter how many
workbooks they do! Don't you have any friends that can't spell after 12-16+
years of school?
Ask yourself: What would happen if they couldn't spell?
What's your worst fear? That they would be thought of as stupid? (It matters
more what the CHILD thinks than what someone else thinks about
him!!) That they would use spell-check? That they might find other ways to
spell?
What's your fear?
Fear of mom and her thoughts that a child couldn't spell ----THAT's a much bigger worry for a child. The feeling of
incompetence/inadequacy a child feels when his mom is pushing something he
doesn't want to learn right now---that's stifling and can shut that child down
for a long, long time. Don't do that!
Please, accept each child as He Is and know that, when he's ready, he'll pick
up what's important to him. It may never be important to spell. It IS important
to be loved by your mom for Who You Are! THAT can't wait!
The fastest way to turn a child off from reading and from
spelling/math/gardening/fly-fishing is to push/force/require it. Quit forcing.
Read TO them. Listen to books-on-CD. Spell things FOR them when they ask. Be
their partner, not their adversary!
Those that don't *like* to read will probably still read, but for information,
not for pleasure.
They'll all learn when it's important to THEM!
-=-=-=-
My addition here:
I was at a party a few weeks ago. I would up talking about...duh!
*unschooling*! <g> with my husband's boss's husband.
He was insisting that there were things *everyone* needed to
know---"core" knowledge, if you will. I asked him to name ONE. ONE
thing that *everyone* needed to know. I then refilled my plate, got another
drink, and sat back to enjoy the show. <bwg>
His first answer was....you guessed it...spelling!
What a stupid answer. Stupid if he wanted to defend it! <g>
I reminded him that PLENTY of people can't spell---even after years and years
of workbooks and spelling tests.
Give me another---a better---thing that we ALL *must* know.
Dope!
I reminded him that blind people don't read. Not in the traditional sense.
*But* that there are books-on-CD and friends that will read to them. They can
learn braille instead. But not *everyone* needs to
know how to read.
Then he *knew* he had me! <g>
Communication!
We *all* need to communicate. We *must* be taught how to do that. We must! It's
a necessary part of living. If we can't communicate, the world will go to hell
in a handbasket. Yes! Yes! Communication!
And he sat back, satisfied.
<g>
We're BORN communicating! A baby's cries are a form of communication. That's
not something we must be taught! We learn as we go that crying is not the best
way to communicate our needs. Pointing and grunting are better. Then talking. Sometimes we go so far as to LIE to get what
we want! I think lying is a very evolved form of
communication. And some children figure out *that* so easily... And boy, can it
be effective!
We can communicate with our hands (like the deaf. Sign
language---wow!). With our facial expressions (many actors are great at
this!). We can communicate in writing---in cyberspace even! In
foreign languages. In music. In
art. Math is a form of communication. Touch can communicate a LOT.
Animals can even communicate with us: Basia and SodaPop woke me up at
Now, generally, I try to gear my rants <g> to my audience. And although I
knew he was military (he's a retired colonel in the Air Force) and *probably*
conservative, I couldn't be sure of his politics, so I didn't bring up that his
own *president*---the highest office holder in the
I think it's very important to ask ourselves what it is that we fear will
happen if our children don't excel at ________.
What if he's NOT a good speller?
What if she CAN'T do long division?
What if he NEVER learns to cook?
What if she decides NOT to learn to drive.
What's the *worst* that could happen? Really? The WORST thing?
Now, first, how bad IS that exactly?
Second---chances are that it will never come to that!
A person who is a really bad speller probably won't write for a living. If he
does, he will use spell-check, have a friend to ask, or hire an editor.
If she can't do long division, she probably won't become an accountant or
statistics professor. But she can barter with a friend to help her with her
taxes, buy a calculator, or hire a bookkeeper.
If he hates to cook, I doubt he will become a master chef. But he could marry
one. Or eat out. Or learn to love Ramen noodles.
If she doesn't want to drive, she can live in a city with really good public
transportation, call a cab, walk a lot, or ride a bike. (She might come out a
lot better financially than her driving cousins!!) <g>
Adults DO what they're good at and find ways around
what they struggle with/don't like/aren't good at.
Well, *smart* adults do.
The ones who have learned that they are incompetent or dumb
or inadequate---the ones whose moms and teachers have insisted that they learn
something that is unimportant or irrelevant in their own lives----well, those
people are the ones that find learning hard or sucky
or stupid. They're the ones that shut down or rebel or are simply
unhappy and unfulfilled.
Learning is a natural part of living. We are hard-wired to learn. Certainly not everything all at the same time. But each one
of us will learn what we need *when* we need it. That's HOW humans learn. Not
*everyone* will be a great speller or physicist or gardener. NONE of us *has*
to. Each of us will make his own way---no matter how much our mom---or our husband's
boss's husband <g>---thinks we *need* to know how to spell. When it
becomes important, we will *make* it important, and it will BE important---to
*us*. Until then, it's just superfluous and something someone *else* thinks is
important.
There's nothing everyone needs to know. Content yourself with that. Each person
has his own set of talents---that might not be (and probably aren't) *your* set
of talents. Each person should have the right to pursue those talents/passions
to their logical ends--or new beginnings.
It'll make for a happier household AND a more joyful world!